'Men said they didn't tell their women about France because they didn't want to worry them. But it was more than that. He needed her ignorance to hide in. Yet, at the same time, he wanted to know and be known as deeply as possible. And the two desires were irreconcilable.'
Of course this quote is specific to WWI trench warfare and the polarity of male and female experiences then, but the conflict of the above two 'desires' applies even today. Take, for example, something about yourself which we'll call 'A'. This 'A' is something intrinsic to who you are or how you've come to be, but it's also a nasty experience, or something nasty you did in the past, or a nasty feeling you grapple with to this day. You don't tell this other person whom you're getting to know, initially because the time isn't right, or the clouds are pink and it isn't Tuesday, and after a while you still don't say a word because the subject's not been approached, and at this point you're sure it'll come up eventually and when it does you'll have to figure exactly what to say and what words to use, and then three months later it turns out you still haven't said anything because frankly it's much more convenient to carry on with this 'connection' you're making with this someone who doesn't know this thing about you.
Oh, it's not as if they'll be shocked or unduly sympathetic. Or, they could be, but that isn't why you're keeping your mouth shut. You're keeping your mouth shut because, being your own rational agent, you get to choose the kind of human connection you intend to realize, and you've determined, consciously or otherwise, that whatever attachment you form with this new person, friend or lover or potential god-parent to your first born, will be not founded upon this thing 'A', not even partially, unless eventually the subject really does come up and by then it'll be diddly-squat against the background consortium of years of attachment and time together. You get to choose the kind of connections you want with other people, and this isn't dishonesty or manipulation in the conventional sense, for these terms are unnecessarily harsh if the connection you intend for is un-adulteration. And yes, the 'ignorance' allows a certain kind of 'hiding in', but 'hiding in' is a self-conscious phrase, and a problematic one, for it fails to take into consideration the immense, incredible sense of freedom in being known, not for what's said or unsaid, but for just being.
Image from: http://gstounenglish.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/barker-regeneration.jpg